I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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