Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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