you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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