I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
