I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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