My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize