he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
