i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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