She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize