Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
