This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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