We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
