i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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