Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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