he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize