im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
