yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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