We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
