Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
