watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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