why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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