I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
