I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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