Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize