Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
