So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
