I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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