Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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