I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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