she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
