She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
