I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
