I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
