this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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