That's when you crack a 10am beer
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
