god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You're like the curious george of whores
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
