By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Boobs are out for the taking
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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