Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
