Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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