i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How naked do you want me to be?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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