There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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