just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
