It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
