seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
