on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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