She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
