Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
