what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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