Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
