Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
