Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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