They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
