i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
