I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
