apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
did i walk over a car last night?
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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