just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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