He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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