so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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