Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
