On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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