Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My balls are so social today.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
