I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
