Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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