I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
