you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
