Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
