Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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