it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize